“Full of Rain, Blood and Cum...”

I was worried about him, I hadn’t talked to him in a week or two but it was enough time to make me worry about him. I know he wasn’t in a good home life, his dad beat him and his mom didn’t care for his safety, only watching him get beat.  I thought the worse had happened like the over protective and worrying friend I am. I figured he was lying, dieing in his room, after another beating from his dad. Or I thought that he had been shot by the people at his school, since they had found out only a week before that he was bi. They hated him, because he was not like them He was a freak by choice or nature, it didn’t really matter. I started emailing and messaging him more often hoping that he would reply to one saying that he was fine and that the house was just out of power for the last week or so, but no I wasn’t that lucky; I had anticipated a friend emailing me telling me that he was dead or dying, but I wasn’t that misfortunate either. He messaged me one day and I was happy that it was him and he was “ok” or so I thought. The reality was he told me some of the most terrible news I could ever hear in my life.

[M]: hey…
Slayer: hey is it really you baby?
[M]: yes…
Slayer: hey baby are you ok I’ve missed you and been worried sick about you. –hugs you tight-
[M]: sorry…
Slayer: What’s wrong baby you seem off.
[M]: …
Slayer: Oh my god! Are you ok did your dad beat you again? Are you hurt?
[M]: no… yes…
Slayer: Please baby tell me what happened
[M]: I was……raped…

I began to cry without any control, tears running freely down my face hitting the keyboard below my hands. I did not pay attention to the tears running down my cheeks, or the ones splashing on the keys. I was only caring about him and what happened, what he went through, who could have done something so horrible to such a wonderful and great guy.

Slayer: Oh my god! Baby I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! What happened?
[M]: I went to a party and was drinking and was talking to my friends and stuff and started to feel a little light headed and so I left them and sat down on the couch and must have passed out because I don’t remember anything until I woke up….
Slayer: what happened baby? Please tell me –hold you comforting you-
[M]: well when I woke up I was upstairs in a closed bedroom, my ass hurt like hell and I was bent over the bed with my pants and boxers around my ankles… -leans into you hugging you tightly beginning to cry-
Slayer: -rubs your back and smoothes your hair, trying to comfort you, my voice beginning to crack- I’m sorry baby, I wish that didn’t happen to you, you don’t deserve it.
[M]: It’s not your fault, don’t feel bad… -wraps my arms around you stroking your hair comforting you- hush it’s not your fault….
Slayer: I feel horrible, I wasn’t able to do anything.
[M]: I know but it’s not your fault don’t beat yourself up about it.
Slayer: Do you know who did it?
[M]: No….
Slayer: Do you have any type of idea?
[M]: Well… now this one guy won’t leave me alone so I think it may have been him.
Slayer: -hugs you close to me, kissing the top of your head- I’m sorry baby.
[M]: It’s ok.
Slayer: No its not! You don’t deserve anything like this you deserve so much better baby, I wish I could help you see that, you don’t deserve any of this that’s happening to you.
[M]: Well it happened….and there’s nothing we can do about it…
Slayer: I swear if I find out who did that to you I will make them regret it.
[M]: Mmm I know but don’t get worked up about it, you already worry too much about me.
Slayer: You see now why I do? I will always worry about you, and want to beat the hell out of whoever did this to you.
[M]: Well my ex bf is taking care of it and kicking the guys ass that wont leave me alone for us. He said that only he is allowed to touch my ass no one else.
Slayer: That’s good, as long as he’s safe too, I don’t want him hurt either baby. –hugs you tight and close-
[M]: I know…

I went to bed that night thinking of him tossing and turning, wishing I could be there to comfort him. The pain of knowing I could do nothing was eating away at me. He wasn’t his normal self and I didn’t blame him for that. I could understand because I would probably be the same way. His night was far worse than mine, I knew it. But what I didn’t know was what was he feeling… was it the pain or being raped, was it the humiliation that others might have seen, or was he feeling like he was dirty and that it was his fault or something far worse that I hadn’t thought of? I hadn’t fallen asleep that night, constantly thinking of what was going through his mind, and what he might do during the night. That next morning I left him a message making sure he was still fine. I got one from him earlier in the morning while I was still tossing in my bed saying that the world was cruel. I knew that he didn’t want to be a part of it, and that by the time I would read this it would be too late and that he would already be dead, but that I was a great friend and that he would miss me and always watch over me.

[M]: My Angel, by the time you read this I will already be dead, my body cold and lifeless and my soul and spirit watching over you, the world is cruel and has many hardships that I do not want to witness. Please don’t blame yourself, for you are the one that has kept me alive this long, and it is you that will keep me around longer than anyone else. So I am going to kill myself I’m not sure how yet, but know that even though my body may be dead my mind, soul, and spirit is not, and that you can always talk to me, and that you will see me soon on the other side, and whenever your cold lonely or frightened I will be there with you comforting you as you have comforted me. I will see you every day and will meet up with you on the other side once it is your time too. I love you.

Later that night his sister got on and sent out a message to all of his friends telling them that they had found him laying in the bathroom tub, filled to the brim with his own blood and a knife still stuck in his chest where he had stabbed his heart, ending his short and “worthless” life.